The pendulum swingeth...

I've had lots of thoughts bumping around in my head but getting them down in blog world is a whole different thing.  But here is one that keeps coming back.  The obsession of some people with "please" and over-politeness.  (You'll find I make up a lot of words, so just go with it.)  Every once-in-awhile my child and I are around an adult who insists on "please" being at the end of almost every sentence.  And for those of us who fear that we are going to raise hellions, we get sucked into going overboard making our young children be uber polite.

But one day it occured to me that I don't always say please when I ask for something, so why should I make my child?  I mean, sometimes we ask in a nice tone with nice words and the "please" is implied.  And no adult says to another adult: "say please."  So when my child is being nice and polite but doesn't use a "please" and someone corrects her, I speak up.  I let them know - politely of course - that I don't always insist on it when her tone is good.  Now, when she starts getting sassy, that is a whole different thing.

So then I started musing about this over-polite culture of some.  I don't know if it is a southern thing or universal.  The uber politeness of not taking that second piece of cake when offered or by not stating what it is we really want or always being the one who gives up what they want so someone else can get what she wants.  Last year at my child's birthday, we had a lot of cake leftover.  I asked my 12 year old niece if she wanted a second piece.  She responded: "that's okay."  WTF?  Bless her heart; somehow, she thought this was the gracious thing to do.  I told her we had plenty and it was okay.  And she still said "that's okay."  It seemed she wanted a piece but I really just didn't know.

A few days ago, a good friend of mine gave my child a Christmas present.  My child, being almost 5, opened it, smiled, said thank  you (after slight prompting) and then asked if there were any other presents for her.  OMG, I was mortified.  How selfish!!!  But thankfully, my friend brought me to reality and said: "well I'm glad she is normal."  Yes, this is normal and I should gently teach my child that it is not polite to ask for another present when given one.  But how do I balance that with letting her know that it is okay to ask for what you want in life?  I have only recently learned that.  After all, doesn't our Loving Father tell us to let our needs be known.  Doesn't He assure us in scripture that He has our best interest at heart and wants to hear from us? The impoliteness comes when we kick and scream when we don't get our way.  But it is not impolite (in general) to ask for what you want.

Then there are those parents that couldn't give rat's ass that their child is rude and impolite. I'm somewhat overwhelmed at the task of teaching balance so my child is not hanging out at either end of that pedulum's path.......